I’m neither highly sensitive, nor autistic, but I do think I am closer to neurodivergent than I am to neurotypical. And I am most certainly very introverted and need time alone to recharge my batteries after being around people. And in the past I have been very sensitive to certain noises, especially, that were very irritating and drove me nuts. So I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying. Not everything, but a good bit. What helped with the noise irritation, I think, was changing my diet, and getting more magnesium. I cut out milk and cheese when I realized I was lactose intolerant, and that helped a lot because the more calcium in your diet, the more magnesium you need. And getting enough magnesium is necessary for calm nerves. I believe they give it to high-strung racehorses to keep them calm. I also started using thickened milk of magnesia as a deodorant instead of a commercial deodorant and it works great for me. It sounds weird, I know, but they also sell magnesium creams to rub on your skin for absorption, so it makes sense.
And if you enjoy reading self-help books, may I recommend a series that helped me a lot? It’s the Mars/Venus books by John Gray, (“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, “Mars and Venus on a Date”, “Mars and Venus Together Forever”, etc.). Before I read the books, I knew men were pretty ignorant about women, but I didn’t realize how ignorant I was about men. Wow, that was an eye-opener! We’re all looking for love, we all want to love and be loved, but giving the kind of love we want doesn’t work. What does work is giving the kind of love that our partners want and need. And that can be quite different from what we need…
And those books are about relationships, of course, but other self-help books I’ve been reading recently that have helped me with mental health issues are books from authors Michael Singer and Byron Katie. And also their YouTube videos.
Anyway, thanks for your post, your avoidance issues are very applicable to me, and I’m trying to work on that. So it was good to read yours too. I really enjoy all of your posts and your YouTube videos also. And your artwork is awesome! Thanks for sharing it all!
I had no idea about the thickened milk of magnesia for deodorant. Wow!
I have been taking magnesium for several years. I started because I read it might help with migraines. Now I take a Calcium/magnesium/zinc blend for strengthening immunity (also Vit D). I’m constantly trying new things to “keep calm”! 😳
Also, I have read some of John Gray’s books. My husband can testify to that since I’m always reminding him that my love language isn’t the same as his! Men and women are very different. In so many ways, I thought more like a man for much of my life. I’ve softened considerably.
They say men are like fruit: they go soft just before they go bad! But it’s kind of true. I think there are more sensitive men out there than we realize but they’re trained not to show it. As they get older, hopefully they feel more at liberty to be true to themselves. They may not be “highly sensitive”, but perhaps more sensitive than they’ve let on.
Apparently the male/female high sensitivity ratio is 50/50.
I’ll look into Michael Singer and Byron Katie. Thank you! ❤️
Or perhaps men “going soft just before they go bad” is just waning testosterone levels that allow them to relax their defenses a bit? They’re not struggling to find and keep a mate and pass their genes on to the next generation anymore, so they can be more chill and open, than they were? Idk, I’m definitely not an expert on men. Or women. Or people in general…
At the end of the post you asked a question wanting to know why sensitive people are that way. It reminded me of a quote by Aldous Huxley. He said, “To make biological survival possible, Mind at Large has to be funneled through the reducing valve of the brain and nervous system. What comes out the other end is a measly trickle of the kind of consciousness which will help us to stay alive on the surface of this particular planet.”
So maybe in the roll of the DNA dice, some people’s “reducing valves” don’t reduce as much as others. And instead of a trickle, highly sensitive people get a fire hydrant flow that bowls them over? I have aphantasia, the inability to “see” voluntary mental images. Maybe all these differences are just nature’s way of ensuring ultimate survival of the species. Some work out, some don’t. And some work out under special circumstances, and then are’t needed when those circumstances change. Who knows, but I do believe there is reason and purpose in all things.
Customer service is torture. But I raise you working in a middle a school class room and tutoring math Exhausting job. My children learned they could not talk to me until we got home because I was not able to respond at the end of the day. By years end I sat and rocked in a chair for two weeks. Definitely a questionable job choice for me.
I’m sure we wouldn’t be laughing if you were still in the trenches though. I feel for anyone who is.
I rewatched that video last night with my husband and she actually says a few things I disagree with, like putting a “phone booth sized safety zone” in the middle of an open office plan for “us”. I see so many holes in that plan… but there are good resources via YouTube. I actually prefer lay people who are
living it to doctors who just study it.
Also, there are some helpful groups on FB for Highly Sensitive People. It feels reassuring to read the posts and comments. Very relatable stuff.
Oh my this explains so much. I have some of the same characteristics. I am the one family calls to find out where they put something. I also notice things and know when they have been moved. Noice bothers me, please don’t turn on music and then leave it on all day. I can’t think with it on. I need time away from people to re-energize as being with people exhausts me. Some of my job choices have not been the best. But my last work environment was in software development. We were all introverts and barely spoke to one another all day. It was wonderful! I have never thought of myself as highly sensitive but am sure there is a sliding scale and I bet I am on it. Hmm sounds like the chicken may have just laid an egg.
Your software development department sounds like a dream! I worked in a customer service department for 8 years in an open office environment. Some of my jobs choices have been questionable, too. :-)
I watched this video recently and it's pretty good, if you're looking for more information:
All my life I've been an overly sensitive basketcase. I wasn't 'diagnosed' autistic until I was 45 and while it didn't change anything about my life (my coping mechanisms are already in place) it did explain my life up until this point, which was something of a relief. I thing of myself as a dedicated introvert. I'm tired of pretending to be otherwise and I can't wait to sink fully into my lovely state of avoidance. I will strive to deal with people on MY terms and to cry "enough!" when I'm done and slip back into my happy place invaded only by cats, goats, horses or other furry and feathered creatures who demand nothing from me other than breakfast and scratches. (My own kid can barely tolerate me but probably isn't going anywhere, since I basically duplicated myself in him)
I think the only thing keeping me in the "appearance" of a normal person is my loving and supportive (overly sensitive) husband. We compliment each other if we can just get out of our own ways once in a while!
Is it avoidance? Or is it crafting a life suited to your specific personality? I prefer to think that I’m creating a beautiful garden around myself, free of “weeds and pests”. It requires constant maintenance. 😕
I like that-keeping the weeds and pests out. Yes, it'll be easier to keep those pests away when I'm at the end of a very bumpy dirt road in the middle of nowhere.
Don't be so sure about that. One of my biggest disappointments in living off grid is the number of people who live off grid just to make their government checks go farther. They are plenty of ne'er do wells out here who have no interest in being self-sufficient whatsoever. They bask in the beauty of spring and summer and then beg on Facebook to be bailed out in winter because they have "no firewood" or some other "emergency" they are ill equipped to handle. Like I said in another post, you should learn who your neighbors are, but you might not want to get to know them.
I’m neither highly sensitive, nor autistic, but I do think I am closer to neurodivergent than I am to neurotypical. And I am most certainly very introverted and need time alone to recharge my batteries after being around people. And in the past I have been very sensitive to certain noises, especially, that were very irritating and drove me nuts. So I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying. Not everything, but a good bit. What helped with the noise irritation, I think, was changing my diet, and getting more magnesium. I cut out milk and cheese when I realized I was lactose intolerant, and that helped a lot because the more calcium in your diet, the more magnesium you need. And getting enough magnesium is necessary for calm nerves. I believe they give it to high-strung racehorses to keep them calm. I also started using thickened milk of magnesia as a deodorant instead of a commercial deodorant and it works great for me. It sounds weird, I know, but they also sell magnesium creams to rub on your skin for absorption, so it makes sense.
And if you enjoy reading self-help books, may I recommend a series that helped me a lot? It’s the Mars/Venus books by John Gray, (“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, “Mars and Venus on a Date”, “Mars and Venus Together Forever”, etc.). Before I read the books, I knew men were pretty ignorant about women, but I didn’t realize how ignorant I was about men. Wow, that was an eye-opener! We’re all looking for love, we all want to love and be loved, but giving the kind of love we want doesn’t work. What does work is giving the kind of love that our partners want and need. And that can be quite different from what we need…
And those books are about relationships, of course, but other self-help books I’ve been reading recently that have helped me with mental health issues are books from authors Michael Singer and Byron Katie. And also their YouTube videos.
Anyway, thanks for your post, your avoidance issues are very applicable to me, and I’m trying to work on that. So it was good to read yours too. I really enjoy all of your posts and your YouTube videos also. And your artwork is awesome! Thanks for sharing it all!
I really appreciate this Marlene!
I had no idea about the thickened milk of magnesia for deodorant. Wow!
I have been taking magnesium for several years. I started because I read it might help with migraines. Now I take a Calcium/magnesium/zinc blend for strengthening immunity (also Vit D). I’m constantly trying new things to “keep calm”! 😳
Also, I have read some of John Gray’s books. My husband can testify to that since I’m always reminding him that my love language isn’t the same as his! Men and women are very different. In so many ways, I thought more like a man for much of my life. I’ve softened considerably.
They say men are like fruit: they go soft just before they go bad! But it’s kind of true. I think there are more sensitive men out there than we realize but they’re trained not to show it. As they get older, hopefully they feel more at liberty to be true to themselves. They may not be “highly sensitive”, but perhaps more sensitive than they’ve let on.
Apparently the male/female high sensitivity ratio is 50/50.
I’ll look into Michael Singer and Byron Katie. Thank you! ❤️
Or perhaps men “going soft just before they go bad” is just waning testosterone levels that allow them to relax their defenses a bit? They’re not struggling to find and keep a mate and pass their genes on to the next generation anymore, so they can be more chill and open, than they were? Idk, I’m definitely not an expert on men. Or women. Or people in general…
At the end of the post you asked a question wanting to know why sensitive people are that way. It reminded me of a quote by Aldous Huxley. He said, “To make biological survival possible, Mind at Large has to be funneled through the reducing valve of the brain and nervous system. What comes out the other end is a measly trickle of the kind of consciousness which will help us to stay alive on the surface of this particular planet.”
So maybe in the roll of the DNA dice, some people’s “reducing valves” don’t reduce as much as others. And instead of a trickle, highly sensitive people get a fire hydrant flow that bowls them over? I have aphantasia, the inability to “see” voluntary mental images. Maybe all these differences are just nature’s way of ensuring ultimate survival of the species. Some work out, some don’t. And some work out under special circumstances, and then are’t needed when those circumstances change. Who knows, but I do believe there is reason and purpose in all things.
Customer service is torture. But I raise you working in a middle a school class room and tutoring math Exhausting job. My children learned they could not talk to me until we got home because I was not able to respond at the end of the day. By years end I sat and rocked in a chair for two weeks. Definitely a questionable job choice for me.
I will take a look at the video.
You win! 🤣
I’m sure we wouldn’t be laughing if you were still in the trenches though. I feel for anyone who is.
I rewatched that video last night with my husband and she actually says a few things I disagree with, like putting a “phone booth sized safety zone” in the middle of an open office plan for “us”. I see so many holes in that plan… but there are good resources via YouTube. I actually prefer lay people who are
living it to doctors who just study it.
Also, there are some helpful groups on FB for Highly Sensitive People. It feels reassuring to read the posts and comments. Very relatable stuff.
Oh my this explains so much. I have some of the same characteristics. I am the one family calls to find out where they put something. I also notice things and know when they have been moved. Noice bothers me, please don’t turn on music and then leave it on all day. I can’t think with it on. I need time away from people to re-energize as being with people exhausts me. Some of my job choices have not been the best. But my last work environment was in software development. We were all introverts and barely spoke to one another all day. It was wonderful! I have never thought of myself as highly sensitive but am sure there is a sliding scale and I bet I am on it. Hmm sounds like the chicken may have just laid an egg.
Your software development department sounds like a dream! I worked in a customer service department for 8 years in an open office environment. Some of my jobs choices have been questionable, too. :-)
I watched this video recently and it's pretty good, if you're looking for more information:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tKDnsns2bg
I hope you'll stay in touch.
All my life I've been an overly sensitive basketcase. I wasn't 'diagnosed' autistic until I was 45 and while it didn't change anything about my life (my coping mechanisms are already in place) it did explain my life up until this point, which was something of a relief. I thing of myself as a dedicated introvert. I'm tired of pretending to be otherwise and I can't wait to sink fully into my lovely state of avoidance. I will strive to deal with people on MY terms and to cry "enough!" when I'm done and slip back into my happy place invaded only by cats, goats, horses or other furry and feathered creatures who demand nothing from me other than breakfast and scratches. (My own kid can barely tolerate me but probably isn't going anywhere, since I basically duplicated myself in him)
I think the only thing keeping me in the "appearance" of a normal person is my loving and supportive (overly sensitive) husband. We compliment each other if we can just get out of our own ways once in a while!
Is it avoidance? Or is it crafting a life suited to your specific personality? I prefer to think that I’m creating a beautiful garden around myself, free of “weeds and pests”. It requires constant maintenance. 😕
I like that-keeping the weeds and pests out. Yes, it'll be easier to keep those pests away when I'm at the end of a very bumpy dirt road in the middle of nowhere.
Don't be so sure about that. One of my biggest disappointments in living off grid is the number of people who live off grid just to make their government checks go farther. They are plenty of ne'er do wells out here who have no interest in being self-sufficient whatsoever. They bask in the beauty of spring and summer and then beg on Facebook to be bailed out in winter because they have "no firewood" or some other "emergency" they are ill equipped to handle. Like I said in another post, you should learn who your neighbors are, but you might not want to get to know them.
❤️